Cancer: A GamTav Fanfiction- Chapter 1
by With Pen and Ink
Summary: Humanstuck fanfiction, when Karkat suddenly grows ill and is dying of Cancer, Gamzee is forced to face the death of his best friend. In a panic to pick him back up, Tavros learns that he has very deep feelings for his roommate and doesn't quite know how to show them during this difficult time.
1. Chapter 1: Sickness

Have you ever felt the inside of you just falling apart? Like there is something eating away at you, festering itself inside you and slowly dragging you under? Do you know what it feels like to die a little more each day? And I'm not talking about every day you are closer to meeting the mark of your death eighty nine years in the future. No, I mean you can feel death creating a nest inside of you, just waiting. That kind of dying is what I'm talking about.

Do you know that pain? Waking up every day to still be dead tired, to have to take thirty pills just so you can stand to sit up without your head exploding, Watching pints of blood leave your body into the sink or the floor depending on how quickly you can make it to the bathroom or not.

Ever watched your family cry over you because they know that you are dying? Watch them try to make you comfortable and you have to give your best effort to look happy so they don't feel like they have done something wrong. Have you ever been so scared gripping the porcelain edges of a toilet because maybe this might be the end for you?

Do you know how much debt you will be in by the time the Chemotherapy treatment is over, only to find out that you still have cancer and that you only have a few years left to live? Do you know how much you will cry over the life you so desperately want to cling too? Tears mixing with red hot skin over your cheeks and off your chin where blood still pours from your mouth and you can't breathe.

Do you know this? Because I do. I have been forced for years to deal with this pain, like I am in a cage match against cancer, and cancer has the iron chair that will soon meet with my face and then it's all downhill from there. I am only human, one of the unlucky ones to have it grown inside of me, knowing one day that I will die. Sooner than my eighty nine years in the future. Oh what I wouldn't give for those eighty nine years right now, to know that I have something other than this to look forward too.

I drag myself off the floor, the cold tile feeling so friendly on my legs. I cleaned the excess blood from my mouth and tried not to look at myself in the mirror. I was in bad shape this December morning, it was snowing outside which made me three times as cold as everyone else and my medication was being re-filled and I had no way of getting to it unless I walked myself down to the local CVS about a mile away. I was alone for the first time in weeks, my mother having finally left for a few days to get some work done in her house. She assured me when she left "I'll come back in a while, I need a mental health day." Which I didn't mind. I never asked her to come this way to help me.

She needs to mind her own damn business because even if I am dying I can still take care of myself. I'm twenty two, I have a job, and I'm doing alright aside from my illness. I recently in the last four years discovered that I somehow contracted cancer. My mothers, first husbands, mothers, brother had it and I guess that would make me next in line to get it since he, my sperm donor decided to ruin my life as well as let me grow up thinking that he hated me since he was never around.

I was at the end of my rope now, or at least that's how I felt. There was a knock at the door; science never did last too long in my life. Who the hell wanted to see me anyway? I'm a complete downer and I'm not that nice either. Regardless I managed to turn the door knob on the front door and gaze up at the tall figure that stood in front of me.

"Hey motherfucker, you don't look so good today." I could feel his hand on my shoulder and absent mindedly nod a whisper 'I'm fine.' and stepping ever so slightly out of the way so that he could enter. Gamzee made it a point to come by every day or so to hang out with me so I didn't feel like I was completely abandoned. Having been friends for so long he had seen me through every step of the way and I could tell that watching my final trip downhill was taking a toll on him, even as strong as he was.

"Do you need anything bro?" he asked again. "You look like you need a damn hit or something. Look al up like you're about to fall over or some shit." he closed the door and a shadow cast back over the floor and I didn't say a word. I felt that if I spoke that maybe I would cry. And I have had enough tears for one week seeing how my doctor so kindly told me it would be any day now that I would kick it. And then no more Karkat.

There was a plain sadness to Gamzee's hazel eyes his hand moved not an inch off my shoulder as he pulled me in for a hug. I hadn't bothered to tell him, why worry him when he has been such a good friend to me. Shit, he was just about my only friend. There was no protest on my part and if there was my bones might have snapped. My arms moved to hug him too, or as much as I could.

He looked down at me and he smiled pulling me towards the living room. "All you need is a mother fucking miracle bro." he sat me down on the couch with him and lit up one of his many joints in the confines on my living room. Once he tried to hand it over to me I pushed against his hand, clearly stating that I did not want and weed, now or ever.

And it was a day; where he actually watched romcoms with me and tried to get me too eat something. There was only so much I could take before I could hear myself asking him to leave because I was tired and I really just wanted to go to bed. My heart was fluttering like it was barely beating anymore. It was trying so hard not to shut down on me in the middle of my goodbye. He waved at me sadly from his car window before it drove away and I was left to close the door and lock it. I was walking to the counter when my legs gave way under me.

I had tried to catch myself on the counter and I missed dragging a pile of mail along with the house phone down around, and on top of me. The clatter was louder than my colorful and low language that escaped my mouth as I fell and hit the ground with a more deliberate thud. Ow, that really fucking hurt. I pushed barely up before coughing and there was a blurry splatter of blood was strung from my mouth, it was a little darker then it normally was and my vision hit the blurry side. My head soon rested back on the floor, the blood soaking into the black locks that were now matted to my face.

Though my fingers were trembling I managed to reach the phone and dial the number 911. On the end recover there was a lady and I couldn't really hear what she said to me because I could feel my consciousness moving in and out.

"I need-"

And that's all I could manage before the black completely over took me and I was out.


	2. Chapter 2: Goodbyes Suck

(POV: Gamzee)

You drove your car with the music blaring, you were sitting at a stop light where you really fucking wanted it to turn green already because you had been sitting there for over five minutes and you had places to be. Karkat was still in the back of your mind. He looked even smaller then he usually did, not that you weren't a big mother fucker but he normally seemed a lot stronger. Seeing as he was the biggest smartass on the planet, it seemed like he had lost his edge. It's like he wasn't there anymore. And all you wanted was your best friend back. Your mother fucking bro and you still hopped that he would get better. Nobody had told you anything otherwise.

Finally the light switched and you speed on and not moments later you were pulling up in the parking lot of your apartment complex where you saw Tavros on the porch in his chair reading, waiting for you, like he normally was. Opening the door to the car and yanking the keys out you called up at him. "Tav! What the hell are you doin man it's freezing out here." there was a sort of goofy smile to your face as he fumbled with the book, not expecting you. A slight blush ran across his tan face and he looked down at you.

"U-uh, I was just uh, waiting for you." he mumbled "You came back quicker then, uh, I thought you would." he smiled and watched you run up the steps two by two and then you got to the top you couldn't help by pull him up in your arms and give him a tight ass hug.

"What-uh...what is it Gamzee?" he asked you. You wanted to tell him what you were thinking, but it was too painful for you to talk bout right now. You knew it, deep inside your heart you knew it, your best friend in the whole world was dying and you had to stand by and watch as he fell to pieces in front of your eyes.

"Nothing man," you say quietly letting him out of your grip. "You know, I just all up and missed you mother fucker." you made sure to smile at him; he didn't need to know you were hurting inside. What could he do anyway? He was just your roommate, your very clumsy roommate that had fallen down the stairs and broken both of his legs just last week. God that mother fucker could trip over air. You smiled a goofy grin and roll his short ass inside and kick the door closed with some force.

Tav was looking at you, like he could tell. Something was bothering you big time and you won't talk to him about it. Maybe it hurts his feelings because he cares for you as a friend. You could talk to him about it and feel better, you could tell him everything. But then you would be vulnerable and who the hell wants that. You are six foot three and you weigh two hundred and ten pounds of muscular miracles...you won't allow yourself to be vulnerable.

"So how was Karkat today?" he asked twiddling his little thumbs together with anxious eyes darting from you to the ground and then back again. Now he went ahead and asked you the question, the question you were sure he would ask you...every time you visit the short dark headed friend of yours.

"Ah shit, he...he isn't doing so good Tav bro." you watch the outside of the window and you can see rain start to hit the porch and turn that grey color that water turns stuff. "He's all up and looking like he might go ahead and die." you can feel your jaw tighten and there's a stinging in your eyes, but you hold them back. Tears are for pussys after all.

"O-oh...uuhhh...s-sorry I asked..." you could see tears start to sting Tav's eyes. You had forgotten that he and Karkat had met many a time before Karkat had gotten sick, and they were pretty tight. You didn't mean to make the mother fucker all sad like that. But to be fair, he did ask you that fucking question that you hated. "You don't think that he will..." he paused as he choked on tears, "...d-d-die...do you?"

"Nah man-" you started to reply when your phone rang in your pocket. You pulled it out and looked at the number; a number you didn't recognize and you don't like those numbers. You clicked the green button and held it to your head with a sour sounding; "Hello?"

There was a woman on the other end of the phone. "Hello, this is Nepeta; I am a nurse at St. George's hospital of medical study. you were listed as the first emergency contact for Mr. Vantas." you didn't like what you were hearing.

"Yes." you reply dully.

"He was just brought in on an ambulance...our doctor took a look at him and said to call in the family...but we have no family listed under his contact information...so...could you come in or uh...contact his family, please. It doesn't look good." you could hear her breaking apart on the end of the line, Nepeta was an old high school friend of yours and KK's back when you were teenagers. She and Karkat had a thing some years back, but they never stayed together.

*flashback*

It was about two weeks ago.

The rain was falling on your hair matting it to your face as you shivered on the sidewalk outside St. George hospital. You finally had the ambition to step through those doors, granted you had to smoke you one beforehand to calm your nerves. The inside was sickeningly white and it hurt your eyes.

It took you forever to get to the room they pointed out to you, like the room kept getting farther and farther away every time you took a step closer. But somehow when you reached out your hand touched the cold doorknob and turned it pushing the door open with a silent whine. The doctor was standing over Karkat with his clipboard and a thermometer.

" your fever seems to be dropping, if you keep doing well maybe we can let you go soon." he gave a curt smile to your friend and turned to leave but stopped when he saw you. His shoulders stiffened and you realized it was Eridan, some kid you decked one time in high school because he was talking shit to you once. But you really didn't pay him any attention because you really needed to see KK. You walked past him, about knocking him over and he quickly left the room without as much as a goodbye.

Karkat was staring at the ceiling; the circles under his grey/blue eyes were dark and hollow. He had just been informed several months ago that he was suffering of cancer. Kind of ironic, considering. He looked over at you, small, and frail...he managed to kind of smile at you and hold up his fist for you to lightly bump, a normal greeting.

"Sup mother fucker," was the first words out of your mouth. In your mind you didn't want to believe he was dying in front of you. So you dismissed it.

"Not much, Bitch." he said in return, completely normal Karkat.

"We need to play some music together soon; Tav finally got his keyboard fixed bro."

"Gamzee," the tired name barely dropped from his mouth and you looked up at him, you had your head down earlier. "I think that I'm going to die." he looked back up at the ceiling. "They can't do anything for me anymore, the cancer spread so far through my body now that I am just hanging on."

"No, don't say that man. I-...you aint dying, you're too strong to die on Me." you placed your hand, now shaking, on his shoulder. He looked back over at you.

"I Am." he handed you a piece of paper. "That has my mom's phone number in it; just call her whenever you get a call. I listed you as my emergency contact...I know you can handle it better then she can." he coughed slightly and reached over to give you a hug, something that Karkat doesn't do. Taking the opportunity, you wrapped your arms around him and tried not to cry. "Thank you for being such a great friend to me Gamzee, I might not ever have the chance to say this to you again, so I just want you to know that I love you and I am glad that I met you." he leaned back against the bed and closed his eyes.

"Bro you best believe that I will be there with you when the shit goes down." you stood up. "Bye mother fucker, I love you too." you made sure to hit the light on your way out so he could get back to sleeping, and you left.

*end fb*

"G-gamzee?" you heard the voice on the other end of the phone and you shook your head back into focus.

"Yeah, I'll take care of it nurse." you replied before just hanging the phone up, there was no reason for a damn goodbye. Goodbyes fucking sucked.


	3. Chapter 3: I'll miss you

Tav was watching you again, you probably had that dead ass look on your face like you got when you were about to lose your shit. You could tell he wanted to ask about Karkat because he knew what that phone call was just by your change in mood. Damn were you that much of an open book? Did it matter?

"I have to go to the hospital Tav. Karkat was admitted and it don't look like it will be much longer." you watched his expression go from mildly upset to destroyed in only seconds. "I need to go by myself for a little while, and then you can have Fef come pick you up and bring you over okay?" he nodded and rolled back into his bedroom and shut the door. You could hear the sobs pick up as you closed the door to the apartment and got over to your car.

The drive there wasn't much better. It was stop and go, you beeped your horn about fifty times and damn you were irritated. "Get the fuck out my way!" you called cutting someone off to go around the stopped cars. You really didn't care what was going on you just knew that your fucking best bro needed your ass at the hospital and you were going to get to him.

It seemed like forever before you could get there. There was no hesitation this time, no blunt, now waiting, no appointing. It was a straight walk, run, to the door, a hard struggled pop to knock the door open. You felt sick when you saw him. It hurt so much inside your chest and stomach like a twisting knife. You felt like you were going to vomit right then and there. Mother fucking Ow.

Laid up in the bed looking like death warmed over was your friend. Someone you had met when was just a little dude. 6 years old there is a new kid on the block. That mother fucker looked grumpy as hell but you could tell that you were going to be friends. Oh god the pain was so awful, you would rather someone shoot you in the head and end it right here then feel this pain another second. Why was this happening to him, he was a fucking good person? He had a slight attitude problem but he was a good mother fucker.

He was going to die, in front of you, here, in the fucking hospital.

"Gam...zee." came a small and weak sound from the bed. He was making a "come here" motion with his hand and you walked over and got on your knees beside him.

"Yeah bro?" you said without choking.

"Thank you for coming." he didn't smile, but you could tell he wanted too.

"Don't thank me bitch. I wouldn't rather be anywhere but here right now." You tried to compose your breathing, but you weren't going to hold on much longer. "I aint called your mama yet though." you sighed.

"Let the hospital contact her, I really don't want to see her right now anyway. All she's going to do is cry...and I-...I don't want any tears right now." he said almost choking on the words trying to hold his own tears back. "Goodbyes fucking suck man." he said with a painful chuckle.

"I know bro, I was just thinking that." you watched his hands grip the sheets, he must be in a hell sized worth of pain right now, with all the electrolytes dying and shit like that. "You wanna hold my hand or something?" you asked waiting to see what he would do. You hold your best friends hand when stuff liked this happened right?

"Fuck you," the shorter boy in front of you said but you felt his hand grab yours anyway. "I'm scared, Gamzee." he whispered.

This was a new side of Karkat that you had never seen. This mother fucker on a normal day was cold as ice, grumpy, sarcastic, with a wall up so fucking high that he would rather shoot himself in the foot then tell you how he felt. He was strong, and fucking short but he was so, so strong. He cursed more than anyone you knew, even you. But this Karkat, the one in front of you laying on the bed, this was the true and real Karkat. This dude let down his wall, he is a packet of raw emotion and he is showing you, and only you. Because he trust you. Trust with this Karkat is monumental, and hard to earn. It was precious...like a baby bird, so easy to damage and hard to heal.

He had given you some of it. His trust. Something that a lot of people had wanted and up until this moment right here you weren't even sure that you had any of it. After all these years he shows you a true face because you are the only one that he trusts. This time you can't stop it, this time life was taking over and it was going to rip this little mother fucker right out of yours hands and into the afterlife. He will be gone, soon. It was terrifying.

"Fucking A, I'm not." you smiled at him through big tears which made their way down your face to roll off your chin and pat onto the sheets. "Because you know what Karkat, you can mother fucking do anything you put your mind too. And no matter what happens...you're going to be alright. Okay?"

He smiled a weak smile at you and tears brined the edge of his eyelids and fell down to his ears. "I can always count on you to take the fear away."

"Yeah mother fucker, you can." his fingers tightened around you hand and he suddenly just relaxed.

And there was no movement.

"It's okay KK, go on, and if you need to go ahead and move on, then you fucking do it bro."

It was a few minutes before the monitor rang that flat beep that hurt your ears. It was over, he was gone. You put your head onto the bed and cried your fucking eyes out for fifteen minutes before the nurse entered the room. She gasped and ran out with tears in her own eyes. The doctors and crash cart team ran in with all their tools, but it was done already.

You fucking best friend just died beside you, holding your hand, asking you for permission to be free from the sickness. Who were you to keep him here, keep him suffering? His years as the sufferer were long over and done with.

"I'm going to miss you mother fucker." you murmured as they were rolling his body away.


End file.
